(Excerpt)
By Laurel Archer
(Performed at the Saskatoon Fringe Festival, July 1999)
(CBC morning radio cut fades in and out as lights come up on whole set and shed.)
(Margot and Bill’s house. Thursday, August 12, 1998. 10:00 a.m.)
(Margot is looking out the kitchen window. There is a KNOCK on the door and Margot opens it to greet Elaine. Elaine has a box of crackers in her hand.)
ELAINE: Good morning! What a beautiful day it is, Margot!
MARGOT: (Under her breath) Just be calm Margot, the truth will set you free.
(Elaine sits down on the couch.)
ELAINE: You said you needed to see me? Are you going to order from the catalogue?
(Margot sits down beside her gingerly.)
MARGOT: Well, no, um maybe later, but I just wanted to … talk.
ELAINE: Well sure, what’s up? A new writing project? You know I’ve thought that maybe I wouldn’t mind trying my hand at poetry. I’ve had this idea for a poem for a while and I thought you might help me with it. It starts something like this…
MARGOT: Elaine…
ELAINE: Love is like a rose that never dies…
MARGOT: ELAINE! (Full stop. Elaine looks surprised.) Oh, dear. But, really, Elaine, can’t you tell something’s wrong?
ELAINE: Oh, well. You always look great, Margot. I wish I could look that good without…
MARGOT: Oh for Christ sake, Elaine, stop it! God, nobody has any idea, everybody is so wrapped up in their puny little lives…. Elaine, something terrible has happened, and I don’t know what to do!
ELAINE: Oh… um, sorry Margot, you can tell me anything. I have always appreciated your support and advice. If I could do anything to repay that… I should have told you before how much our friendship means to me. You are such a gifted person, so compassionate, so…
(Margot starts grabbing her hair in frustration.)
MARGOT: SHUT UP! Fuck! I’m a horrible person, you have no idea. I’ve scorned you and your breeding, your nicey nice attitude while your husband and kids walk all over you.
ELAINE: But…
(Elaine starts nervously eating from her box of crackers.)
MARGOT: I hate everything, everyone. I despise myself! All I ever wanted was to feel real, to do something that matters. But I’m just as trapped as you are, I’m a bloody hypocrite, I’m a coward! I’m a slave to my body, and I’m so angry I’m losing my mind.
ELAINE: But… (Elaine keeps eating.)
MARGOT: How could I be so stupid. Why did I think it would be different? I should never have married Bill no matter what he said or did, I shouldn’t have done it. He shouldn’t have done it, then he wouldn’t be dead. Do you hear me? Bill’s dead! I’ve killed Bill!
ELAINE: But… But, Margot… Oh, you’re just practising for one of your feminist plays again. It’s great! (Elaine claps excitedly.)
MARGOT: Oh God, I’m so trapped. You don’t even fucking believe me! It’s true, you stupid cow! I killed Bill with a frying pan. The one my grandmother gave me, you know! I killed him yesterday… oh oh oh…
ELAINE: You… you did?
MARGOT: YES!
ELAINE: Oh Margot! … Are you sure? You two are so happy, you’ve been such an inspiration to us all…
MARGOT: AHGGGGGGH! Hu, hu, hu… (Margot holds herself and rubs her arms.)
ELAINE: Oh, I’m really sorry, Margot. I just can’t believe this is happening. I don’t know what to say, sometimes I just don’t know what to say to you. Sometimes you’re a little hard to ah… understand, but I’ll do anything to help you, I really will. It’ll be OK.
MARGOT: But, I’ve killed him. What are you going to do? Call the police?
ELAINE: Well, where is… Bill?
(Elaine looks around nervously.)
MARGOT: I put him in the garden shed, where I store the potatoes. I didn’t even put him in a bag. There will be blood all over the garden tools. (Rubbing herself.) Ooh… I never even thought about that. I must be really losing it!
(Pause. Margot gets out some Kleenex.)
ELAINE: Uh. Uh…
MARGOT: Come on, I’ll show you. I have to face this. I have to do the right thing and then everything will be OK. I’ll be all right if I just face this.
(Margot drags Elaine out the kitchen door to the shed. She throws open the door of the potato shed and looks at Elaine triumphantly.)
MARGOT: There!
(Elaine looks in the shed, and then at Margot blankly.)
ELAINE: Er. Margot, there’s nothing in here but potatoes.
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